Isn’t it ironic…

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This week is always hard on me.  Not only is it the week of Fathers Day but it is also the anniversary of my Dad’s death.  Today, June 13th marks 15 years since the passing of my dad.  It’s crazy to think it’s been that long since I remember the day so vividly.

My dad was in a motorcycle accident when I was 7 years old.  They gave him less than 48 hrs. to live.  He beat those odds and was in a coma for nearly 5 1/2 years.  He spent those  5 1/2 years in a long term nursing facility and my mom took me to see him quite frequently (she and my father were divorced before my dad’s accident).  I’m not sure what would of been worse; having my dad suddenly pass away or seeing him waste away as a vegetable.  Seeing someone in a state like him for so long really has a way of making you question your faith.  If there is a god, why would he take away a father, son, brother and friend and let him “live” a life of near exile?  Never underestimate the effect you have on a child.  What I learned as a child has shaped me into the person I am today.  Life is short and it is not certain but you learn to make lemonade out of lemons and life does go on.

Growing up I always felt like I had something to prove.  I didn’t want to play the daddy card and become a statistic.  My mom worked her ass off to give me basically anything I wanted and in return, I did my best to always make her proud.  Every choice I make still to this day I remind myself, “your dad is watching” and “don’t disappoint your mom”.  At times this can be exhausting but I really think its why I’ve never gotten in to trouble.

I still think about my dad every single day and although I’m not a religious person, I strongly believe his presence is with me often.

Growing up I never really had a father figure.  Although my mom had remarried when I was a freshman in high school, I wasn’t a fan of my step-dad and never bonded with him.  They divorced the summer before I left for college and I honestly could of cared less.  To be honest, I really didn’t care for men.  What I mean by men is “father figures” or “older men”.  Most of my friends parents were divorced and there dads were assholes or losers so I began to think if that was what a dad was, then maybe I was better off without one. Sure, I deeply missed my own father but the possibility of ever having someone like him really wasn’t a reality to me.

To my delight, I was wrong.  In my later college years my mom began dating and later married my now step-dad Denny.  Yes folks, the lady has been married 3 times… third times a charm, right;)!!!  I liked Denny as soon as I met him.  I could tell he wasn’t trying to bullshit me and act like someone he wasn’t.  And he could actually hold my attention in conversation.  All things no one my mom ever dated could do.

In getting to know and become close to Denny over the last eight years I have gotten to feel how it is to have a dad.  I got to have someone to talk to about life and ask help from other than mom.  I got to have someone walk me down the aisle at my wedding and since my dad’s passing other than my husband Mike, Denny is the only other male I have said, “I love you” to.

So getting back to the title of my post, “Isn’ it ironic”.  Not only is today the date my father passed away but it is also my step-dad’s birthday.  Kinda crazy right…  With death always comes life and I can’t help but wonder if it wasn’t chance but fate that such a wonderful “step-father” was brought into my life.

So Denny I love you and “HAPPY BIRTHDAY 50th Birthday” ya old man, here’s to many more:)!!!

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6 responses »

  1. Oh Angela, I’m so sorry to hear about what you went through losing your dad. But am filled with joy hearing of Denny being around now. I am still trying to repair my own relationship with my dad after a long divorce process with my mom. Hugs!

  2. I cannot tell you enough, “THANK YOU”. Out of 50 year’s of birthday’s, that was by far the best present I have ever received. That came from your HEART, and that mean’s more to me than anything else. You have grown into a remarkable person, woman, wife, and daughter. I know your dad is watching over you, and I can promise you he is as proud of you as I am. All my Love, Denny

  3. Pingback: 7 links… « Constantly Unwinding's Blog

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